Two letters. One breath. A completely different outcome.
When working with clients, we often talk about how conflict can arise: whether that is between romantic partners, at work, with children, or just in everyday life. While conflict is not inherently a problem, our reaction often results in less than desirable outcomes. Why is that? Simply put, a reaction is not well thought out. It is a quick, impulsive response and often not in line with our values and beliefs.
One of the best ways to reduce, and even completely avoid, conflict is two simple letters: "OK." When well practiced and aligned with our values, "OK" is a response, not a reaction. That is where our practice what you preach lesson comes into play.
A walk in the park
During a walk this morning I was enjoying the beautiful weather while passing through a local park: one that I have walked through countless times. Over the past few months there has been some construction, and parts of the park had been fenced off. Today the fences were down and the work appeared complete, allowing me to cut through to my neighborhood. As I started down the path, someone jumped out of a pickup truck and began yelling at me that I could not be there, that the police could be called, that people needed to stop walking there, and a whole variety of other unpleasant things.
My initial reaction was to yell back, to point out that he was being rude, that there were no fences or signs, that I was simply taking a walk. But I took a moment to pause and practice what I preach. I simply said: "OK."
This person was demonstrating all the signs of someone who was frustrated, angry, and perhaps looking for a conflict: something I had no interest in engaging with. My goal was to get some exercise and enjoy a beautiful day. As he continued to escalate, I kept my response the same: "OK."
And guess what happened? Nothing. I walked by, avoided the conflict entirely, and enjoyed the rest of my morning. None of that would have been possible without practice.
Why "OK" works
When we react, we give the other person exactly what they are looking for: engagement, escalation, and proof that their frustration has landed. When we respond with "OK," we do the opposite. We acknowledge without agreeing. We disengage without dismissing. We protect our own peace without sacrificing our values.
The therapeutic work we do with clients around conflict, communication, and emotional regulation is exactly this kind of skill-building: learning to pause, reflect, and respond in ways that align with who we want to be. That takes practice. It does not happen automatically, especially when someone is coming at you with heat.
Try it yourself
Next time there is a minor disagreement or potential conflict, take a breath and simply respond: "OK." See what happens. You may be surprised at how quickly the energy shifts when you stop feeding the fire.
