Men's Mental Health
Emotional Wellbeing
Relationships
Vulnerability Or & Strength
Why men (and boys) benefit from being vulnerable.
TG
Tom Gambino, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist · Navesink Psychological Services
navesinkpsych.com ↗
While I watched the USA vs. Türkiye soccer game, the camera panned to two well known actors, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, watching the game together. My first thought was the well known movie Fight Club, in which both of these actors starred. It's a movie about a Wall Street man looking to break the mold of his monotonous life, who starts a community based on fighting and allowing men space to live out a hyper-masculine lifestyle. This leads to a very dark and brutal ending for everyone involved. The main character was hoping to distance himself from his "boring" and "mundane" life through violence and anger. In this process, however, he ended up ruining his life.
I wonder what could have been if instead of the main character turning to violence, separation, and revolting, he had turned to seeking emotional support from others.
1 in 5
men experience a mental health condition each year
42%
of men experiencing symptoms seek treatment
11 years
average wait time from first symptom to seeking treatment
Men are up to three times more likely to use maladaptive coping mechanisms when suffering from poor mental health. For example, drugs and alcohol, emotional numbing, aggression, overworking, social isolation, and risky behavior.
The main character in Fight Club was at a crossroads in his life. Instead of addressing the issue, seeking support, and expressing the stressors in his life, he chose to do the opposite. The outcome ruined not only his life, but the lives of those around him too.
The benefits of emotional vulnerability
The benefits of men being emotionally vulnerable and seeking support, whether professionally or personally from friends and family, are significant:
1
Overall improvement in mental health.
2
Improvements in personal and professional relationships.
3
Decreases burnout at work.
4
Improves communication with others.
5
Improves physical well-being: better sleep, lower blood pressure, decreased risk of heart disease.
6
Increases awareness of maladaptive behaviors and thoughts.
How can men become more vulnerable?
1
Check in with each other and take time to talk.
2
Journal about the previous day.
3
Open up more to a partner or significant other.
4
Model the behavior you would want to see from others, including your children.
The main character in Fight Club was at a crossroads in his life. He was struggling at work and with overall purpose in life. Instead of addressing the issue, seeking support, and expressing the stressors in his life, he chose to do the opposite. The outcome of the movie not only ruined his life but the lives around him as well. Men have an obligation to not only hold each other accountable in seeking support, but also hold ourselves accountable when we need help.
Frequently asked questions
Why do men wait so long to seek mental health support?
⌄
A combination of social conditioning, stigma around vulnerability, and a lack of modeling from other men all contribute. Many men are taught early on that expressing emotion is a sign of weakness rather than strength, which delays help-seeking even when symptoms are significant. The average gap of 11 years between first symptom and treatment reflects just how deeply that conditioning runs.
What counts as a maladaptive coping mechanism?
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Maladaptive coping mechanisms are strategies that provide short-term relief but create longer-term harm. Common examples in men include substance use, emotional numbing, aggression, overworking, social withdrawal, and risky behavior. These often substitute for processing difficult emotions directly, which tends to make the underlying issue worse over time.
How can I start being more vulnerable if it doesn't come naturally?
⌄
Start small. A daily check-in with a friend, partner, or family member, or even private journaling, can build the habit of naming what you're feeling before it builds up. Vulnerability is a skill, not a personality trait, and like any skill it strengthens with practice.
How can fathers model healthy emotional behavior for their sons?
⌄
Children learn far more from what they observe than what they're told. A father who openly names his own emotions, asks for help when needed, and talks through stress rather than suppressing it teaches his children that this is normal and safe. If you'd like support building these patterns in your family,
our team is here to help.
If you or someone you know is struggling and could benefit from a space to talk things through, our team at Navesink Psychological Services is here to help.
Reach out for a free consultation
